yes, but no

yes, i’m trying to make light of my current situation and sentiment, but no, i can’t take this much longer.

yes, i try to be grateful for what i have, but no, i will not settle for less.

yes, i try to take things one step at a time, but no, sometimes i get bogged down and am overtaken by a persistent sadness.

a deep, lingering sadness that penetrates the very core of my being. it’s not a violent gust of wind or thunderous storm that leaves just as quickly as it comes, no. rather, a heavy blanket of fog that almost strangulates. i wonder if i even know my “why” anymore. i can hardly make it out in the distance, and i can only hope that with each passing day and uneasy step, i will find my way there. i just know my spirit is yearning for something more. something just out of arm’s reach. i feel that part of my soul laying dormant, waiting for the moment when it can finally be free to explore its full potential. for now, it’s crying, clawing, yearning, and it reminds me of its pain every single day. i find myself crying for no apparent reason. i catch myself in the middle of the day, entrenched in my thoughts, feeling like a prisoner in my own fucking head.

i can’t do it here. not where i am, no. i don’t know how much longer i can hold on.

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